Fatherhood, Men's Health and the Legacy You Leave Your Kids
Your kids get whatever energy is left in you when the workday ends. Coach Brian Parana decided years ago that his would get more than that. This is his story about the father he grew up with and the father he chose to be.
Coach Brian Parana does not want his kids to get whatever is left of him at the end of the day. That is the reason he treats his own health as part of the job of being a father. Episode 144 is his story about the father he grew up with and the father he decided to become. Listen to Episode 144 for the whole conversation.
Who Brian Is Before the Coaching Title
Brian is 43. He has four kids. Levi is 16. Everett is 15. Maxwell is 13. Emmeline is 11. Three boys and a girl.
He has been married twenty years to Amber, his childhood sweetheart.
He opens the episode by naming his own limits. "I try to do my best in all things in life, but I also falter and stumble as well, just like any other person."
There are no nutrition tips in this one. He said so at the top. This episode is Brian rather than Coach Brian.
The Father He Grew Up With
His parents divorced when he was around twelve or thirteen. After that he saw his dad every two weeks.
Before the divorce he looked up to him. He describes him as the strong hero type who always knew everything and was always in there.
He says he still does not know the real story behind the divorce. He also says the story is not the part that matters. The impact on his life is.
The visits held up at first. Then his father moved through different marriages and different situations, and the proximity dropped off. By the time Brian hit twenty-two or twenty-three the gap was wide. Work responsibility was stacking up on his end at the same time. He started his first business in 2010 and was building a family alongside it.
He puts a name on what he lost. A lack of fatherly wisdom and fatherly connection.
He understands it better now that his own kids are the ages he was. He tries to picture seeing them every other weekend. His answer is that it would make him sad. He says he cannot imagine how it felt for his father, and he has never had that conversation with him.
The Phone Call After the Tony Robbins Event
Brian has not talked with his dad since he was twenty seven.
He went to a Tony Robbins event and said afterward "I felt empowered to give him a call after that event". It ran five to seven minutes.
He calls it top of the top. How is the weather. What have you been up to. It never got near why he had picked up the phone in the first place.
He has seen his father once since then at his brother's wedding. His father lives in another state. What Brian hears is that his health is not good.
Why He Is Not Chasing the Reconnection Right Now
He knows the question people want to ask him. Why not reach out and connect.
His answer is honest. He has gone back and forth on it for years. There could be an opening to rekindle it.
What he keeps coming back to is where his focus has to sit today. "Right now in my world, I have to focus on my children. I am the father to my kids and I have to be there for them."
He also has a clear view on whose job the connection is. In his words his father is "the parent in this situation that he should have an active relationship with me." When his own kids leave his house, Brian sees the work of staying connected as his to do.
The Decision That Came Out of It
This turned into a decision over the last couple of years. He states it plainly. "I have the power to restore some sense of fatherly wisdom in my family."
So he is there for them. He is at every event. He drops the kids at school and picks them up almost every day.
The night he recorded this there was a race under the lights for Everett. It started at 10 PM because the lights do not come on until 9:30 in the summer. The whole family was headed to the track to watch him run.
What Being There Looks Like in a Normal Week
Levi. The two of them train in the barn where Brian records. They have watched the full Rocky series and the Creed series out there and they are working through Star Wars. Levi ran the Akron Marathon in 3:32 last year and told his dad to run it with him this year. Brian committed in January. His calf is sore right now. He is rolling out and stretching more than ever and working around it. Two days before recording, Levi wanted a workout. Brian checked his calendar and saw two open hours and went to the barn with him.
Emmeline. He reads to her every night. He also posted an Instagram story asking her whether she remembered riding camels outside the Giza Pyramids. That is a specific memory he can draw on for years.
Maxwell. They play video games. They joke and poke at each other constantly. Brian has run with him a lot this summer because Maxwell runs cross country, and he has watched his art and his performances.
All of them. Three of the kids did a two week theater camp. Brian watched them perform in front of a live audience with no fear of standing up there. By his read Maxwell used to carry more anxiety than the others. A couple of years into that environment he is on stage singing and dancing.
Travel and Experiences Are Part of the Plan
Brian and Amber decided to put their time and attention into what the kids get to do. The family has been to all 50 states and to multiple countries and continents.
They came back from Alaska recently. They were at Machu Picchu in Peru over spring break. Ireland is the plan for the fall with Japan on the list behind it.
The same thinking covers quality education, sports camps and the other things the kids can take part in.
He Gets It Wrong Too
Brian says his battery wears out like anyone else's.
His own example is walking into the house in full coach mode with a lot of energy, seeing the dishes undone and asking why nobody did them.
Amber tells him that is not the approach. The kids answer by doing nothing at all. His read on it is short. Tell people what to do and they usually do not listen.
What he counts on is stepping back up to the plate. Apologize, own the behavior and ask for forgiveness.
Why This Sits on a Health Podcast
Brian's picture for this is a pitcher and a row of cups. A pitcher with no water in it cannot fill anything. You need a tap to fill up from.
Exercise, better food choices and managing your stress and your time are what fill the pitcher. Then you get home from work and turn on the gear your family needs from you.
The men he talks with every day are successful. They have the money they need. They have their wants handled. They are still not happy. They are overweight or dealing with blood pressure or cholesterol or diabetes or some other chronic illness. That takes up space in their head and it changes how they act.
He points at episode 133 with Jeremie Bacon and the four buckets. Family. Civics. Work. Self. Ignore the self bucket and your health, and the other three suffer.
Two lines he wants his kids to carry. "How you do one thing is how you do everything." And "you choose your actions, not your consequences." His example for the second one is speeding. You get away with it or you get a fine that costs you time and energy and money.
The Legacy He Named Out Loud
Brian's vision for himself is to be a grandfather who participates. Energy to be there. Resources to provide.
The picture he gave is one giant room with his whole family in it eating at the same dinner table. He wants to feel he helped make that happen.
He gives Amber the credit for the crux of the work in raising them.
Men Who Have Already Done This Work
Jamie lost 38 pounds in 100 days. The first thing Brian named about him was that he is a better role model for his 13-year-old son.
Chris travels for a living and lost over 20 pounds in his 100 days back on episode 117. The travel did not stop him, and he is there for his kids.
Mike finished his 100 days and walked his daughter down the aisle. Seventeen pounds down and twelve percent less body fat. Brian's line was that he looked sharp in a suit instead of carrying a belly out front.
Andy lost 38 pounds back on episode 53. He works out with his kids at eleven and thirteen so they grow up around an active life.
The weight is the proof. Being there is the point.
Where The Call To Rise Fits
Brian built The Call To Rise for the man who delivers everywhere except his own health.
It is a 100 day program for driven men who want their body at the level their work is already at. It runs on three moves. Find the real reason your fat loss stopped. Build your food and your training around a 47-year-old body instead of a 27-year-old one. Then run it for 100 days alongside other men doing the same thing.
On this episode Brian walks through what the program covers. How you see yourself, your food, your training, the way you think, and a group of men working on the same problem.
Inside it you get an individualized meal plan, an individualized training plan, weekly round table calls with the group, 1:1 calls with Brian, and a client site with every resource in one place. The average man who works with Coach Brian for the full 100 days loses 20 or more pounds. The guarantee is one sentence. Lose 20 or more pounds in the 100 days, or Brian keeps working with you until you do. Apply at thecalltorise.com.
If you want a smaller place to start this week, the free Lose 3 lbs in 3 Days plan gives you three days of food and training structure. Get it at thecalltorise.com/lose3lbsin3days.
Cross-episode links
- Episode 133 with Jeremie Bacon covers the four buckets Brian references here.
- Episode 142 with Mista Yu covers men's mental health and shedding the narrative.
- Episode 135 with Nicky Billou covers brotherhood in the modern world.
- Episode 140 with Jamie is the 38 pound story Brian mentions.
- Episode 53 with Andy is the other 38 pound story.
- Episode 117 with Chris covers how Chris did it while traveling for work.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is Driven For Health episode 144 about?
Episode 144 is Coach Brian Parana's own story about fatherhood and legacy. He talks about his parents divorcing when he was around twelve, seeing his dad every two weeks after that, and the connection fading until it was gone. He ties it to why he treats his health as part of being present for his four kids.
How does growing up with an absent father affect you as an adult?
Brian names what it cost him as a lack of fatherly wisdom and fatherly connection. He says he did not feel the full weight of it until his own kids reached the ages he was when the distance started. It shaped his decision to stay engaged with his kids as they build their own lives and careers and families.
Why has Coach Brian not spoken with his father since he was twenty seven?
The connection faded over years rather than ending in one moment. His father moved through different marriages and situations and the proximity dropped off. At twenty seven Brian called him after a Tony Robbins event, and the call ran five to seven minutes with no depth to it. He has seen his father once since then at his brother's wedding.
How many kids does Coach Brian Parana have?
Four. Levi is 16. Everett is 15. Maxwell is 13. Emmeline is 11. Three boys and a girl. He has been married twenty years to his wife Amber, who was his childhood sweetheart.
What does your health have to do with being a good father?
Brian's picture for it is a pitcher and a row of cups. A pitcher with no water in it cannot fill anything, so you need something filling you back up. Exercise, better food choices and managing your stress and your time are what let you come home from work and turn on the gear your family needs.
How do you stay connected to your kids as they get older?
Brian builds shared experiences he can point back to later. He trains for a marathon with his oldest son and watches movies with him in the barn. He reads to his daughter every night. He runs with his cross country son and goes to his performances. A specific memory gives you something to draw on for years.
Should you reach out to a father you have not spoken with in years?
Brian says he has gone back and forth on that question for years and that there could be an opening to rekindle it. His answer for right now is that his focus has to be his own kids. He also holds the view that the parent is the one who should keep an active relationship going.
What is The Call To Rise?
The Call To Rise is Coach Brian Parana's 100 day program for driven men who want their body at the level their work is already at. It includes an individualized meal plan, an individualized training plan, weekly round table calls, 1:1 calls with Brian, and a client site with every resource in one place. The average man who works with Coach Brian for the full 100 days loses 20 or more pounds, and the guarantee is that you lose 20 or more pounds in the 100 days or Brian keeps working with you until you do.
